Posted on September 16, 2009 - by ~ Aureli

Still

No pre-speech, but a deeper meaning is at the end.

Still

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(Instrumental Track: “The Roots and Eryka Badu – You Got Me”)

still…

was the waiting room
when the doctor entered in
to give the news,
and I knew
from the look on his face
the words
he was about to say
would forever change
my life

and unfortunately
I was right
’cause ever since
the day
you never came
my life has been

still…

still riding that
roller coaster of emotions
when
we were expecting
so much more
but that day we only saw
the birth
of tragic words.

Words that
everyone has tried
to comfort afterwords
but despite their empty phrases
my heart
still hasn’t accepted
the fact that
you are

still…

still stuck in my thoughts
is that sonogram image
I can’t ignore.
A silhouette of
my little angel
who will never
know what
it means to soar.
My
babygirl
won’t know what it means
to even crawl,
to even call out.
to cry,
to scream about
anything!
Any reason for the joy of
being alive,
you will never know,
because now your
lifeless body
lies

still…

still entrapped in that
silent womb
wrapped in a tomb of flesh
left with only death
as your first experience
of life,
and I’m left
only with the question
of
“Why?!”

Why did
demise come and
cut my child’s life-line
even before
they formed in your tiny palms.
Why did destruction
tuck you in a grave
made
in the belly
of your mom.

And who has rights
to tear off
the wings
of a cherubim
even before you got a chance
to fly home
come home

you never
came home,
with me.

so still
with me
are memories
when I see
empty swing
on playgrounds
wanting to squeak
and break the silence
seeking loving fathers
to push gleeful daughters
who will laugh and
kick their feet.

No, that won’t
ever be
you or me
so

so
still
are my thoughts
when I walk in the street
to find fallen leaves
rustling and waiting
to be made into piles
to be played in
for us to lay in
and look up at
cotton filled clouds
close enough to touch
in an unbroken
blue sky
and be like, “That one,
that one looks
…a daddy
and baby duck.” (ha, really?)

but that
that will never be
us.

’cause all of these
musings are just
once hopeful memories
that we
will never
get to keep,

’cause
in the absence of you
all of these
imagery fall
still,

and you’ll never
hear my words
because now
you’re motionless,
peacefully sleeping
but still
that won’t stop
the beating heart
of your daddy
from speaking.
So babygirl,
even if
you’re not listen

I wrote this poem

to help me
continue,
’cause eventually
I have
to move.

But know that
no matter
where I go

a piece of me
will always be

still…

…right
with you.

~the Word is Love, Spread the Word

This is persona piece, meaning it’s not the writer’s actual voice. Whenever writing such a piece I like to think, “It may not be mine, but it’s somebody’s story”. Hope you enjoyed, and if you did, pass it on to someone who would appreciate it.

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